The Big Four Zero
by Jack Borroughs
Summary: No one likes getting old, but when you're John Constantine, you're forced to celebrate it in the a manner most strange, with guests and greeters coming from Heaven, Hell and around the neighborhood.
1. Prologue

Alright, I got the block, y'know? So while I figure out what to do with Fortune Killer, I'm doing this to keep meself sane. It's based on Issue 62 of Hellblazer. I takes place after the Fortune Killer and the Trench Coat Brigade, all you need to nkow is that Angela cracked the case wide open. As you would expect.

* * *

**1:20 p.m.**

_It's been a while since I last got myself in the dark and nasty. Sure, I still do the usual Exorcisms, but it's been a while since I tempted my luck. The whole thing with the fallen Angels and those three bastards who dragged me on a quest to save the world was five months ago. I've since taken some time to recuperate, and needless to say, I'm bored shitless..._

It's another sunny afternoon in Los Angeles; John Constantine is walking home after lunch in a fine Italian restaurant whose owner wanted to thank him for helping him with talking his son out of doing dark magic. He walked up the stairs to his apartment, picked up his mail and hit the button on his answering machine.

The envelopes don't say anything special, electric bill, phone bill, a letter from his landlord telling him to pay the rent or he'll be evicted... etc.

"You have two news messages." came a voice out of the machine; Constantine listened as he looked for cigarettes and some snacks.

The beep sounded,

"John, its Cheryl. Your sister whom you never call. _Heh heh he._ Anyway, I just called to say that Gina and I wish you a happy birthday. Why don't you call me back sometime, or come by and visit."

Constantine didn't pay much attention at first, but what she said soon registered. Looking at the calendar on the wall he saw the date. March 1st.

"I'll be a son of a bitch." said John as he remembered what his revoked driving license used to say; 'Date of Birth: March 1st, 1966'

_Shit! Is my life so messed up that I can't remember my birthday?_

He gets on the phone on called his sister, and after a hearty yet brief conversation, he talked to his niece some as well. He hung up the phone and then called a local number.

"'Ello?" said a cockney accented voice through the speaker.

"Frank, its Constantine"  
"Well, Well. Nice to Hear from you. What's he score, John?"  
"Well, uh... It's my birthday"  
"No shit! How old are you?"

John hesitated for a moment, not wanting to say it.

"Forty."

"Friggin' Hell! You're getting old, John. You'll soon be hunting demons with a walker."

"Funny, or not. Look, I have no plans and I thought we'd go get some beers later on, paint the town red."

"OOOOO! Sorry, John. I'm on from twenty minutes from now till early morning tomorrow."

"Aw, Come on. Frank, how often do I turn forty?"

"With you, John, you never know. I'm sorry, but what can I do. Ring me up tomorrow anyway. Bye"

Frank hung up, John put the speaker down.

_Who can I call? Everybody either wants to spend time with family or I owe money. Midnite is not talking to me. Screw it. Since when did I enjoy crossing over into another decade of my life? When I turned ten I was haunted by demons, when I was twenty I was in a Mexican jail and ten years ago I was being stalked by Satanist Cannibals._

Constantine got out of his apartment and walked for hours, he watched a movie with uninterested eyes and by the tie it was over the clock hit 8 p.m.

_Forty Years... And here I am, no friends, no love in my life. The friends either die or leave to keep their skin still on, they all want to keep their distance, none wants to end up like Beeman, Hennessey, Chas or Nigel and mnay others. The love is in rare supply as well, who was my last girl that lasted longer than sex? Angela. Christ! I haven't though of her in some time, last I heard she cracked a serial killer case wide open._

**8:00 p.m.**

Constantine walked into a 24/7 and picked up his order, two bottles of Guinness and twenty packs of Silk Cut cigarettes.

"Not your usual." said the cashier, a young Hispanic girl.  
"No it's not."

"You should have seen this weird bunch that came before you, there was six of 'em. A weird bunch, there was this priest and this loud Irish guy. They bought case of Jack Daniels and some other weird shit."

"Glad someone is having a goodtime." said John as he left carrying the paper bag with his stuff.

_How can I be forty, for Crying out loud?_

Constantine started walking home after lighting a cigarette.

_My life's nothing to celebrate. No company, bad afterlife, crappy life altogether_.

He walked up the stairs to his apartment; he laid his bag on a table and leaned against a wall without opening the lights.

"Hello John."

Constantia looked at the window where Chas sat; he could see his wings clearly.

"Chas."

Chas tossed him a bottle; which he caught. It was a bottle of Jack Daniels.

The light were suddenly turned on, and five people appeared and shouted,

**"Surprise!"**

They were the oddest bunch that could come; there is Jason Bauer, the Irish Demon. And Reverend Rick Nielsen from that church uptown. Niles Parker. Gene DeMill. And finally, there was Angela, smiling at him.

"W..What's the Idea?"

"It's yer birthday party, you dumb fucker!" shouted Jason in his thick Irish brogue.

Chas smiled, "You have plenty of friends, John. You just have to know where to look for them. I did."

"Come on, John." said Angela, "You have reputation to live up to."

Constantine grinned.

_Who knows? This evening might shape up after all._


	2. A Gathering of Friends

Alright, I got 200 Hits on the Prologue, and none took th time to review. I'm hurt.

* * *

John looked intently at Chas for a moment then pulled him into a hug.

"Dammit, Man. It's been five months! Since the day you told me to get to New York. And you show up all of the sudden and pull this off!"

John pulled back.

"Can't be battling the forces of darkness all the time, John." said Chas, "You have to kick back some time and have a cup of Life's Nectar.."

"Aw, Fuck!" said Niles Parker, a young blonde man wearing a Che Guivara T-shirt and a pair of glasses, "Even I can't b Fighting Capitalism all the time."

"I'll be a Son of a Bitch, It's Niles Parker! Never thought we'd meet again."

"Yeah, well you did me a huge favor John. With the whole Elections things.."

"Yeah, that was crazy."

"Parker? Is this the Niles Parker that tried to use dark magic to screw President Bush's campaign?" asked DeMill.

"That's him, DeMill."

"Dumb Ass," Jason blurted as he stuck a cigarette in his lips and fumbled in search of a match, "I mean didn't you know what kind of Demonic Help got him and his father before him into office?"

"Don't be pissy, Jason." John said as he came to the rescue by offering his golden Zippo.  
"Sorry about that, no offense mate."

"What brings you to these parts anyway"  
"I was in San Francisco when yer wee friend here flies down and invites me to this gathering, the prospect of free food and ale was too much to resist."

"So how is life treating you, DeMill and Rick the Vic?" John asked as he took attention to Rev Nielsen, a small statured man with gray hair and glasses, and DeMill, a burly, swarthy man of forty-two speaking with a thick bayou accent.

"I'm Alright, John. Got some excellent shipment of ages old wine a week ago, come see me anytime and well kill a bottle." said DeMill.

"I'm also fine, John. The Lord is good to me. Listen John, I'm sorry to be crude enough to talk business on this night, but I need some help in finding certain items."

"Not really interested, Jason here is in the game. He might cut you a deal."

He mostly brushed off Rev Nielsen to get to Angela, who smiled at him fondly.

"John, it's been a while"  
"It has been, heard you caught a Ripper-Jack killer"  
"It was actually a body-jumping chaos demon lord trying to plunge the city into havoc so he could rule it"  
"Gonna have to fill me in on it"  
"Sure thing, John."

* * *

_An hour passes and the party has officially gone underway. Everyone is chatting, drinking, being social. Gonna be one of those nights. Suits me fine._

The Mystics then decided to start up a game of poker, and the seven sat on the ground around John's coffee table, which was the only table big enough for all of them.

"I'm all in," said Rev Nielsen as he pushed forward two stacks of chips.

"'Ey, Vicar." called Jason, "Would I be too vulgar if I asked where you know Jon from?"

"Not at all, son." said the Reverend. "I was first brought in after John's attempted suicide to counsel him; I found out soon enough that he truly had the gift. I had met several delusional young men and women who thought they could hear the word of god, and that they were touched by Angels, but John checked out.

"I taught him the trade, I trained him to rip demons from the souls of those possessed and cast them back to the hell they came from. No offense, Bauer."

"None taken"  
"How about you, Jason?" asked DeMill, "How does a professional like you become friends with Con over here"  
"Dumb luck," Jason started, "I was about to make a quick escape from New York when him and his buddies cast a spell that made me puke like mad. We eventually teamed up and embarked on a buddy-copish voyage to save the world, I may have done it for the money but still..."

"Damn capitalist!" hissed Niles under his breath.  
"Eh?" asked Jason.  
"Nothing"  
"What about you, Niles? How does an apparently communist become bosom buddies with a spiritualist, that's mildly unlikely, comrade, eh?"

"Your opinions regarding Communism is somewhat misguided, Bauer"  
"Whatever, hoe did you meet?"

"Four of a Kind!" Proclaimed DeMill as he revealed his hand.

"Royal Flush." said Angela and pulled the chips toward herself.

"Playing poker with a psychic in our midst, what was I thinking?" asked Rev Nielsen.  
"Well at least were not playing for money." said Chas.  
"Were not? Then why the hell are we playing?" Jason objected.

"Well, I was in UCLA, right?" Niles started as they started another round, "Ever seen that movie Flatliners? Well in the movie they sort of kill themselves with drugs and then get brought back to experience the euphoria of being born. There was his guy I knew, He did the same with the added intention of knowing if there is a god, only he wandered a bit too far and his buddies couldn't get him back. They all turned themselves in and he was buried and missed. He wasn't forgotten but he became the thing on everyone's mind when he came back weeks later, as a ghost"  
"Spooky." said Jason as he took a swig of beer.

"Fuckin' A, he startled rattling chains in our Dorm. I, then being an Atheist originally thought it was mass hallucinations but never really believed it. And like a blessing from above, in comes Constantine. He promised to boot it out for a few hundred dollars. At first we thought he was a quack, but decided to pay him and see. I thought he was going to do an Exorcism, burn some incense, howl at the moon and order it in the name of Holy Ghost to go away. But he just walked up to him and yelled "Fuck Off." And it did."

"How about you, Miss? Hoe did you get the misfortune?" asked DeMill.

"You know the old sob story, Sister killed herself, Sought John out, John gets my sister into heaven, gets himself into heaven and looses lung cancer all in one sitting." said Angela quickly.

"You're going to tell me that story in vivid detail, then." Jason said and folded seeing that his hand was too weak.

"I'll hold you to it." Said John as pushed a stack of chips forward.

"It's DeMill's turn." said Angela.  
"Turns? When did this become a game?" objected John.  
"Banter is integral in Poker, I don't mind." said DeMill, "Constantine, I and John met in New Orleans, Ten years ago, on this day." said DeMill, pronouncing New Orleans as 'Nawlins' in his charming Bayou accent, "He was looking for some rest and relaxation after some heavy Exorcising through the south. Of course, Louisiana has her own spectacular line of demons and Voodoo workers. I was in trouble at the time and John stumbled into the whole mess and had no choice but help me out."

"Chas." Rev Nielsen said.  
"Yeah?" answered the Angel, trying to read everyone's faces.  
"We're waiting, how did you meet 'em"  
"I don't really like remembering my former life, friends, but if it would entertain you, I'll say that T took a job as a cab driver as soon as I graduated fro high school, money was low as you would imagine, and I couldn't say no to the offer of some Goths from high school, they had this idea that they would free a demon from a mirror who would then give us more money than we could handle in return, according to an engraving on the back of the mirror.

"However, what we thought meant 'Grant riches no son of Eve could fathom' actually meant 'Cut you open and feast on your entrails like no son of Eve could Imagine', the demon came after me and my friends, so in an attempt to escape impending death. We hatched a plan to get it after someone else..."

"Me." said John.

"It would have worked like a charm if I hadn't gotten all guilty and gave Constantine the heads up, he made the demon go away."

"Mighty valiant." said DeMill.

"You never did tell me how you got rid of it, John?" asked Chas.  
"Remember that bottle I gave you and told you never to open it"  
"Yeah"  
"That's where it is"  
"WHAT?" Chas yelled, and his eyes glowed in gold.  
"I figured if you learned your lesson you'd be alright, otherwise you'd get what was coming for you."

Chas stood up hastily causing everyone to flinch, the thought he was going to start a fight with Constantine so everyone sunk in their s got nervous, save for Jason who relished in excitement and said, "Alright! Angel Vs Exorcist!"

But Chas then looked distant and seemed to relax a tad.

"Chas?" John asked.

"I have to go; the Archangel Uriel is calling for me." Chas proclaimed and walked to a large window.  
"Oh, no hard feelings?" John asked.  
"No, were okay. I'll try and get back before the night is over." Chas said before flying out the window.

* * *

"This is the end, dum dum dum, my only friend, the end.." sang Constantine tonelessly as he stood in an ally outside his building, answering natures call, which he couldn't do in his own place seeing as Jason broke his toilet by accident while he was trying to prove something or another. 

"Of our unfulfilled plans, the end. Of everything that stands, the end.. No secret or surprise, the end. I'll never look into your eyes again, the end."

The splashing sound was suddenly interrupted when a feminine voice came asking, "John Constantine?"

"Eack!" John sounded in a high pitched voice. He zipped up his pants and turned around to look at his visitor.

"Elli?e"  
"In the flesh."

Ellie, the Succubus demon that mothered a child with the Angel, that caused john to be cast out of heaven and the Devil dead. A gorgeous brunette appearing to be about twenty-three.

"Jesus, Ellie! You sort of caught me at a bad moment there"  
"Nothing that I haven't seen before."

"What brings you?"

"You know, I realized it's your birthday. I hoped that the coldness that our sorts seem to be forced to endure could be ignored for a celebration."

"Ellie, I'm kind of drunk.. Oh, How is the little nipper"  
"Normal, I do my best, there are sometimes I'm tempted to throw her down the river, but then I look at her, and remember how she came out of me, I realize that if I had a part in this, even the slightest, the I must hold on to her, perhaps I seek Redemption."

"Again, drunk"  
"I see that now, got company"  
"Yeah... "  
"That little saucy number with the handcuffs"  
"Yeah, among others."

"I understand, I should go."

Ellie turned around and walked away, John didn't have feelings for her and deep down resented her for joining Mamon's army in the past. But understanding some of what she said about the way they were both lonely for all their lives struck him. So he ran after her, asking her to stop.

"Ellie, wait!"

He caught up to her and said, "Stick around"  
"Would you like me to?" she asked, trying to not to sound too eager.  
"Not really, but I don't mind, there already is a half-breed demon in my place so what's the difference."

"Good enough."

* * *

By the way, the song Jon sings while pisses is The End by The Doors. 


	3. A Gathering of Tipsy Friends

"So how do you charge exactly?" asked Rev Nielsen as he drank some wine.

"It all depends, Father." answered Jason as he threw back a beer, "If its transporting you need, I charge four grand a day plus expenses of course, for Robbery I charge Seven-Percent of the value of the loot with a minimum of Eleven Grand plus expenses, assassinations are a difficult billing process, depends on species, weight, ranking.."  
"Assassinations?"  
"Demons of course, I don't kill humans, unless they sold their souls for nefarious reasons or cross me on a bad day. What's the score?"  
"Some Bottles of blessed Elixir, in New Delhi. Guarded by Sholack Demon."  
"Sounds like a hard one, I'd roughly charge ... Eighteen thousand a day, with a two day estimation, expenses included."

"Thirty-Six Grand?" said The Reverend with a gasp, "Oh Son, I'm just a humbled man of the cloth."  
"Well a Sholock demon isn't bribable, actually they are but I reckon you're not willing to feed him babies. I'll have to kill it and then steal the bottles."  
"Well once you kill the demon the rest would be simply lifting the fuckin' bottles."  
"Good point, Vicar. I'll ask for Fifteen Grand."  
"Wouldn't the knowledge that you've aided the church be much more rewarding?"  
"Have I mentioned that I have TWO stomachs?"  
"Ewwww!"

Niles and DeMill were having a heated discussion about The Rolling Stones, the later defending them as artists and the first labeling them as sellouts. While Angela talked on her cell phone to some man.

John and Ellie walked in and said, "Everyone?"

They all turned their eyes to the Newcomer. Angela finished her phone call

"This is Ellie, she's a good fr- er, We go back a quasi-long way," said John, as the alcohol started to slur his speech, "This is Rev Nielsen, Jason Bauer, Niles Parker, Gene DeMill and Angela Dodson."

"Hey." she said.

"Hey, Ellie. Where do you know John Fro?" asked Angela, trying to break the ice.  
"Excuse me?"  
"We were all saying how we met John a while and go and you really should give us an idea." said rev Niles.

"I used to be his sex partner. We met at a Kiss Concert." said Ellie casually.  
"Hmm." Angela said, shocked by the brutal honesty.

"Spunky! I dig her." said Jason with a grin; he then turned his head back to The Reverend to continue the bargaining.

"Look, Vic Rick, I'll give ye' a special Constantine-Friend discount and bring the price tag down to twelve grand a day."  
"Twenty-One Grand total, and a sword that belonged to King David. That's my final offer."  
"King David, eh? Done, drop me a line this week and I'll get cracking'."  
"May the lord Jesus Christ bless you, Son."  
"Yeah yeah, just pay the bill and we'll be square."  
"Of course, do you take checks?"  
"Sure, No Problem. Now excuse me as I try to get in Ellie's pants."

"The Rolling Stones sold out when they started doing Ford Commercials!" Niles barked as he unsealed a bottle of Guinness bear.

"What if? They're all in it for the dime, Child. Do you reckon The Beatles could have done it for twenty-thousand dollars a year? Were all in it for the dime!" answered DeMill with passion.

Constantine started talking to Rev Nielsen who was still talking to Jason. This left Ellie and Angela to have a girl talk of their own.

"So, Ellie-" started Angela, obviously not used to having friendly conversation with demons.  
"So you're the one, huh?" Ellie interrupted.  
"What?"  
"You were the one had fought his way through dozens of demons to get to. I was in Raven scar, some two years ago."  
"Oh," said Angela as she understood, "You were trying to bring Mamon unto earth."  
"I'm a Demon, sue me. So, how did it work out?"  
"We broke up."

"I figured so. What happened caught him one day with his pants around his knees and his hands around some neighbor?"

"John is the sort of guy that you really hate when you first meat, then you start to get fond of him, and then he starts getting under your skin again."  
"I know. And of course you only fell for him as a sign of gratitude for helping you with your sister, right?"  
"Something like that."

* * *

"Gene," called Constantine, "_Psst_."

DeMill glanced at John who stood by a window, and then turned back to Niles and said, "I'm not done with you."

"I'm not a kitten, John. You had me at Gene." said DeMill as he joined John.

"Gene, you know women, right?" said John as he lit a cigarette.  
"I'm familiar with their kind, why?"  
"I'm thinking of starting things over with Angela."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know, I'm getting old, I'm forty for Christ's Sake!"  
"Don't be dissin' the age of forty. I'm getting more Cheres than a Pimp."  
"My point is, time is runnig out, I can't keep fighting like this, at some point I'll have to drop the sword and live like a sane person."  
"You can't just be quittin', John. Hell's not leavening you alone till you buy the farm or join them."  
"Whatever, I just can't keep on going like this; alone."  
"Well, you have my blessing. Go right ahead."  
"Do you think it would work out?"  
"I donno, John. What, is the great Constantine scared of rejection? Anyway, I don't think she dropped by over a year after you two broke up just to congratulate you on being on top of the hill."

"Right, thanks."

* * *

After managing to finish discussing the mystery that is John Constantine, the girls had started having a normal conversation.

"I like your necklace," commented Ellie as she took notice of an antique choker Angela wore, "A gift from your fiancé?"  
"Yes, how did you know?"  
"Your ring finger has a little mark where an engagement ring would be. Don't worry, I won't tell John."  
"Thanks, I don't want to bug him, not tonight."

They were silent for a minute, watching Jason, Niles and DeMill discuss something apparently serious, which was actually a debate over the best size of a woman's bust.

"He still has feelings for you, though."

Angela didn't show a sign of surprise, she knew the moment John saw her.

"You know, Jason has a feeling for you too."

Ellie didn't show any signs either, she knew when a man fancied her, for it was part of the job description.

"I always was a sucker for a Demon with red eyes." she said with a smile, particularly aimed at Jason.

Jason made his way to Ellie while Angela got up and head to John.

* * *

"Hey, John."

Angela stepped onto the fire escape where John stood, smoking a cigarette.

"Didn't you quit?"  
"Yeah, twice."

They stood silent, gazing at the sparkling lights that were a part of Los Angeles.

"It's a beautiful night." said Angela.  
"The company is nice too."  
"Why aren't you inside enjoying it?"  
"I'm not used to being with so many people at the same time, it's great though. I'm glad to see so many people would take the time."

"Chas was right, you have many friends. You just have to know where to look."

They took a few moments to enjoy the Serenity again.

"Angela, you know I'm not much of a talker. I can out curse anyone and talk my way out of most situations, but I never did have much practice with talking from the heart. So I'm just going to come out and say it."  
"John.."  
"Angela, I miss you, I know I'm not the easiest going guy there is, but I miss you. I was wondering if we could get back together, you know, Rekindle the old' flame. I know I can get annoying, but whenever I get your skin crawling, tell me and I'll knock it off."  
"John, I'm getting married."

John's face didn't flinch at all.

"I didn't see that one coming."

He flicked the cigarette over the rail and crossed his arms.

"Who is he? Where did you meet?"  
"His name is Garth; we met while I was working on the Serial Killer case."  
"Where is he from? What does he do? "

Angela smiled nervously, "He's English and he's a Musician."  
"He's a Musician?" scoffed John, "Like that's a real job!"  
"You should talk, Exorcist!"

"You know, most recording labels have Demons on the board of directors. He probably sold his soul for a record deal. Fuck! He probably is after a green card, Son of a Bitch!"

His outburst was over and he went to light a cigarette but found that the pack was empty.

"Great, this is the worst birthday ever!"

Angela resisted an urge to smack him in the head, and put a hand on his shoulder as he faced away from her.

"John, there will come a woman who not only will accept the madness that is your life, but find you absolutely charming, shell fall in love with your smoking, your taste in furniture and your insistence on taking every jab you can at Tony Blair. But that woman is not me."

She turned away and said, "I hope we can still be friends, John. God knows the likes of us need friends. Goodnight, John. Happy Birthday."

John was alone.

"Worst Birthday ever!"

**-----------------------------------------**

Ellie shoved Jason against the door of John's storage room. She planted her lips on his and they engaged in a violent, lustful kiss. His hands wandered under her shirt and hers pulled him closer to her.

"Blimey!" said Jason as they broke the kiss, "This is the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!"

**-----------------------------------------**

John walked into the apartment, where he was met by three sympathetic faces.

"Cigarette." was all he said. Niles handed him his pack of 'Yellow River' Cigarettes. He took out a single one and lit it with a wooden match.

"We heard what happened, John." said DeMill, "I'm sor-"  
"Don't be."

"We'd understand if you wanted to be alone." said Rev Nielsen.  
"No. Stay."

"Do you need anything?" asked Niles as he ran a hand through his long hair.

"Yeah." he said and walked to the table, picked up a bottle of Wine and said,

"Gentlemen, let's get pissing drunk."


	4. A Gathering of Stoned Friends

"Hey, Gene, Any idea where Terry Butcher is these days?" asked Constantine as he and Rev Nielsen were playing 'Devil May Cry' on John's Play Station. While a very drunk Niles sat by himself and DeMill laid on the couch

"In a meat locker, for sure. Old Header caught him doing the dead with his daughters, simultaneously." DeMill explained.

"His daughters? The Twins? Augh!" Rev Nielsen said in disgust.  
"Anyway, Header cut certain peaces off him and flushed them down the latrine, and that's the last anyone ever heard of Butcher."

"The bastard owed me three grand, damn." said Constantine.

A dark cloud materialized in the center of the hall, and out of it appeared Chas, with his wings spread wide.

"And I'm back!"

"Hey Chas." greeted DeMill.  
"What did I miss?"  
"Angela is getting married. John got really pissed." Rev Nielsen said as he battled Demons on the TV screen.

"Oh, sorry, John."  
"S'Alright."

Jason walked out of the storage room, his hair messed up and his red eyes glowing, probably a post-coital effect.

"What were you doing in there?" John asked.

The door bell rang as Ellie stepped out of the storage room as well, straightening her clothes.

"What the fu-" Constantine said.

"I'll get it." Chas said as he head to the door and opened it.

"What's the meaning of this?"

Papa Midnite burst through the door, obviously pissed, towering over Chas and scaring everyone in the room. In one hand he clutched an envelope that read, 'To Mr. Midnite, Club Midnite'.

"Aww, Chas! You invited HIM!" Constantine objected.

"Invited to what? I have little time to waste here."  
"Well whop-de-do! It's my birthday, alright?" Constantine yelled. Papa Midnite then calmed down considerably.

"I didn't know... I bear you no ill will; I just can't stand you these days."

"Oh, Lucky Me." said John as he lit a cigarette.

"Shit, I'm sorry, guys." Chas apologized.

"No problem, Chas. I've got this magic idea, anyway." Constantine said then turned to Jason and said, "Jason, Take Niles home and ask him to get 'Promethea', alright?"

"_I can't get no satisfaction, when I'm watchin' ma tv, and a man comes on the radio, and he's telling me how white my shirt_ _should_ _be..._" Niles sang, rather terribly.

"No problem, John."

"_...and he's telling more and more, about some useless information, supposed to fire my imagination. I can't get no, no no no no no no non o..._"

* * *

_Jason and Niles were gone twenty minutes, while Midnite stayed at my place, I apologized for killing one of his clients in the middle of the club months ago, just so he would stop giving me the stink eye. And then Chas left in a hurry to get me present as he said. And I forgot to ask what were Ellie and Jason doing in that storage room._

Jason and Niles returned with a fist sized vile of golden liquid.

"what is it?" asked DeMill  
"Promethea. It's a magical beverage that was made by an Alchemist for Caligula with effects similar to marijuana." Constantine explained.

"I got it from a Mexican alchemist, it's supposed to expand with time, but in seven months it's stayed the same." Niles followed.

Constantine poured the vial's contents into a cooking pot, amidst Niles' objections.

"Take it away, maestro." said Constantine to Midnite, who chanted in a foreign tongue and pointed an open hand at the pot.

The golden liquid expanded like mercury till it almost overflowed the pot.

"Sweet Fancy Moses!" Rev Nielsen said.

"Cheers. I bid you a good evening, John Constantine. I must go now, my-" Midnite said.  
"Just go. Look, for what it's worth, I'll try to never set foot in your bar, Okay?"

"You're very Drunk, Constantine. Goodbye."

And so, Midnite was gone. Leaving five men and a woman alone, with the magical beverage.

* * *

_Monumentally stoned: What has become of us half an hour later._

"Man... I hate my life, I can't stay much longer." said Niles and then started to sob.

"I hate your life too," said John and then chuckled, "I should get a drivers liscense."

"I'm getting the munchies, I feel like Pringles and Blue cheese dressing." said Jason as he walked into the kitchen.

"Niles is worrying me." Rev Nielsen said,  
"Boy can't hold the magic single malt." DeMill commented.

"Humans!" Ellie said as she drank the last of her Promethea.

Minutes passed till DeMill asked,

"What time is it?"  
"It's five a.m." answered Constantine

"I should get going then, here is your gift, John." DeMill said as he handed him a bottle of Red Wine.

"It as old as the all of us, put together."

"Aces." John said as he set the bottle aside.

"My turn." said Niles as he handed Constantine a brown paper bag, inside it was a brown trench coat.

"Thanks, Niles."  
"It's bulletproof."  
"That's weird."  
"The government is out to get you, y'know?"

Jason tossed Constantine a remarkably shiny silver zippo lighter.

"That my friend, came from the property of Frank Sinatra."

"Thanks."

"At first I thought I'd get you a golden crucifix originally made for your name sake, The Emperor Constantine," started Rev Nielsen, "But I figured this is more fun."

Rev Nielsen handed John a long playing Record, labeled: 'Jimmy Hendrix: Purple Haze', signed by the man himself.

"Jimmy Hendrix? How did-?"  
"Ask no evil, son."

Once again, Chas walked through the door.

"Hey Chas."  
"Did you open your gifts?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well then here is mine."

Chas went back and ushered someone in, and who walked into the apartment was very unexpected.

"Beeman? Hennesy?"

There they stood; Beeman no longer wore eyeglasses and had butterflies hovering around him. Hennessey looked thinner and more dignified. They both looked happy and calm. John noticed they didn't cast a shadow.

"Hello, John." Beeman said.

"How are you?" Constantine managed to say, still not fully understanding what was going on.

"Can't complain. Paradise is not the bad place to spend eternity." Hennessey said.

"We can't stay long, John. We just want to stop by and say we hope to see you again, but not too soon." Hennessey said, they both shook hands with him, giving him much peace, which he had craved since they both died two years ago.

"All the best, John."

* * *

Like all good things, the party came to an end.

"Take care, you lunatic," said Jason as he put on his trench coat, "Any apocalypse that gets rough, call me, eh?"

"Sure thing." answered John.

"Goodbye, John. I'll be expecting you to take me up on my offer, huh."  
"Sure, Gene."

"May the lord, bless you, son." said Rev Nielsen.

"Goodbye, John." said Ellie.  
"See ya, give little Jane a kiss from me, Okay?"

Parker was the last to leave, he was drunker than anyone else, "I love you, John."  
"Right back at cha , slick. Be careful on the way home. And watch out from the Feds."  
"Show thing."

As they all walked away, John waved a goodbye and said, "I'll be in touch."


	5. Epilogue

_There comes a point in every party when it's just two guys with a bottle. So it came down to Chas chewing on some twizlers and your truly looking intently into a pint glass with foam in the bottom, the whole place around uswas covered with broken glass, crushed cans, beer spills and cigarette butts._

"What do you see in the foam, John?" Chas asked.  
"I see... A guy with a hangover you couldn't believe, having a good puke on the bathroom floor in the morning..."

He looked at the window that saw his final break up with Angela and saw golden light coming through.

"Hey, it's morning."

"Yes it is, new day, new beginning." Chas said.

"Thanks for the evening, Chas. I really needed it."  
"No problem, if your going to live till you is fifty, I'll be sure to introduce you to John Lennon and George Harrison."

"That'd be cool!"

"So how do you feel about being forty?"

"I'm off to a weird start, Y'Know? I've had Angels, ghosts, psychics and demons to celebrate it with me. Who knows how the rest of the decade will be like? But really, it doesn't feel that different. I don't think that now that I'm forty I'll meet Miss Right and start living like a normal person. I've had one fucked up life, and I'll continue living it till I bite the big one, but at least I can say, there is never a dull moment."

"Listen John. After I got my wings, they taught me about your life. I know you fucked up plenty back in the day. You're a maverick, John. A Hellblazer. You suffer the consequences."

"You gave better pep talks as a human."

"I won't tell you everything, but you life is about to plunge into REAL madness, you can't change it. You're in for the big one; the last forty years were truly just orientation into the madness your life is going to become."

"You're one weird angel."

"You're condemned to hell, but you do have friends up there, John. Me, Azrael, Micheal, even Gabriel seems to have gotten fond of you. We'll be watching over you. Good morning and Good luck."

_Chas disappeared, just like that. I was left all alone, and I realized I was about to fulfill my prophecy of spending the morning on the bathroom floor._


End file.
